I need advice!!!

[margaretinva]

I didn't get my period in March and did two home tests - they were both negative. However, it's mid-April now and still nothing. I called my GYNs office and said I wanted to come in just to make sure. They said I had to get a lab test first and then they would see me and we would go from there. So Thursday I had a blood test (I work in a hospital so I had it done in our lab) and Friday morning the GYNs office called and said yes I am pregnant. I was devastated. I've been told by every doctor I've seen that another pregnancy would most likely kill me. So I asked to speak with the head nurse of the practice. I called my husband he is devestated. The nurse called me back to say yes indeed you are pregnant. She knows my history and said that she would call me back in a few minutes after speaking with one of the doctors of the practice. Meanwhile I'm in my boss' office crying my eyes out. So the nurse calls back and she spoke with the doctor - based on my beta levels and my last period I'm about 8 weeks pregnant. She said that doctor hadn't done a termination in a long time but she would check with one of the other doctors. She called back a little bit later and said that she checked with another doctor in the practice and he too said he hadn't done a termination in a long time and wasn't comfortable. But he gave me a referral to a doctor that could do both the termination and tie my tubes in the hospital at the same time. So I then called that doctor - I'm still at work trying to function so nobody knows anything... That doctor said that he would do the termination in the office under a local but was unwilling to tie my tubes. And he wouldn't set up an appointment until after my cardiologist faxed over a medical clearance. So then I call the cardiologist - his nurse was very loving knowing my history... So I called my GYNs office back one more time asking her to please find out if my doctor couldn't find somene to do both procedures at once. I'm really not sure how I held myself together because I'm at work dying inside. Thinking about how much my husband and I would love a new baby. If I was 8 weeks the baby would be born around my birthday. How good a big sister our Hannah would be. Should I risk it but what if I died... Millions of thougts a second. I finally went home at 3:00 pm and had time to sit down and talk with my husband. Friday night more of the same - I'm questioning what I should do - how would I live with myself - would my marriage survive this... on and on... The nurse from my GYNs office called me back one more time Friday night and said that she would try and get in touch with the doctor and see if he couldn't find someone in our area to do both procedures at one time but she said I probably wouldn't hear from her until Monday. Friday night I hardly slept at all. Saturday morning I started to have really bad cramps and I started spotting. I tried calling the GYNs office but it didn't pick up so I went to the ER. The ER doc did a pelvic exam and said that it seemed as if I was having a miscarriage. He started an IV, gave me demerol for the cramps and ordered more blood work and an ultrasound. Everyone in the ER was wonderful - the nurses relayed to me some very personal stories of the choices they made in life... So the doctor comes back in again and said that my beta level was at 2 and that I had miscarried. Something in my mind thought maybe this was all a mistake. So I asked him to go into the system and pull up the lab results from Thursday. He walked back into the room white as a sheet and tells me and shows me that the lab results from Thursday are negative for pregnancy - I NEVER WAS PREGNANT!!! So he's at a total loss and calls down one of the OB/GYNs from labor and delivery. She comes down, looks at both lab results, the fact that there was nothing in my uterus on the sonogram and confirms no you are not nor were you ever pregnant. I honestly felt like I was sitting on another planet. Anyway, that is all to say I'm VERY grateful I don't have to make a decision whether or not to have another baby but I"m also very angry. I don't know how to handle this situation. I don't know where to start as to find out who made such a terrible mistake. And at the end of the day I want to find out if for nothing else than some other woman does not have to go through this. So given all this information what would you do. I feel as if I can't just let it go because what if I had been a 15 year old girl, a couple who had been trying desparately to get pregnant... any number of scenarios where telling someone they are pregnant when they are not is so important.

[melissamph]

Margaret,

Wow! First of all I am thankful you are not pregnant and are not going to have to agonize or think about different scenarios and what you should do and what you shouldn't do. Mistakes like that are rare! That isn't an excuse it is the truth thankfully. I would go forward from here because nothing has changed. You weren't overly medicated. You haven't had an unnecessary surgery (Thank you Lord!) and you are healthy. I would forgive and let it go. What possible good will come from anything else? Trust me as someone who has learned over the years.........you need to forgive them. It is OK to be mad (I am mad for you too!!!!) As a woman and a mother I hurt for you and as a nurse I would like to clock whomever did this to you too! But, it would serve no purpose nor help you either. I would tell the OB/GYN office that you would like a formal apology and for them to review their protocol or find out if it was them at all or the lab. I am praying for a healed heart for you and a healed mind from all of this undo stress!

[mandyb]

Hi Margaret,

What a scary experience... and emotional too. It helped me to see that for me having another baby really could never work, because of the stress. I don't know what to tell you to do. I know that it is hard to hold anyone liable for anything they do these days, particularly doctors. Getting my medical records helped me to see where the mistakes were made and what I think doctors could do better with in the future. Maybe you could start with that? Like Melissa said, it may be best to forgive and forget though I myself get tired of hearing that. I think getting mad and blaming someone somehow makes it feel better. Getting mad has also helped me heal in some small way. I also know that educating others about this has helped me too. Almost as much as getting mad! I contacted the American Heart Association and they are helping me get the word out. Maybe you could do the same? I don't know... what's right for one person isn't always right for another.

I wish I could say something to make it better. Please know that I am thinking of you and that there are others who know how hard this is. You are in my prayers.

Mandy

[Lisa V]

WOW......I am not really sure what to say but to say that I cant believe that a mistake like this was made. I cant even imagine if that was me in your shoes and after trying for 4 years to get pregnant and have someone make a mistake like that would be totally devastating to me. I would be emotionally drained and very very upset with my Dr. office. I would want to find out who made the mistake and to be aware that this will not hapoen again. I would be very polite and not make any waves at your OBGYN's office since you still have to deal with them. I would just be sure to let them know what happened and how very upset your and your husv=band were. It was a very tramatic weekend for all of you. You would like an apology........................Please let me know what you decide and I am so very sorry that you had to go through this ordeal......................

[margaretinva]

Thank you for your posts. I've never in my life been so happy to have my period!!! The nurse that told me I was pregnant on Friday was the same one that for three days after I had Hannah told me my extreme swelling and SOB were normal after giving birth, having had IV fluids, etc. I really should have known better than to go back to that practice! And while I'm not a vindictive person and I belive God wants us to forgive I am going to follow-up and find out how my results got twisted. I'm assistant to the administrator of the hospital where the test was taken so while that puts me in an awkward situation perhaps I'll save someone else what my family and I went through this weekend.

We learn from our mistakes - 1) I'm finding a new GYN this week and getting my tubes tied and 2) I am glad I listened to that little voice inside my head telling me to have them check the first pregnancy test and avoided having to take the medication they were going to give me to "clean out" the miscarriage.

Tomorrow is a new day!

[Lisa V]

I am glad to hear that you are sounding much better in your voice and how you are feeling right now.

[marissar]

I have worried about what would I do if I got preg. My ob will not do a termination, but told me if I got preg and the pregnancy made it to the secound term he would put me in the hosp and monitor. If anyhting went wrong no matter how far along I am he would deliver. Alot of pregnancys don't make it through the first term after you have ppcm but they miscarry.

Thank God your not pregnant and you don't have to woory about making that hard decision.

[momofthree]

I don't have any advice to give but I am so glad that you are ok and that you did not face the "decision" that it seemed you would. I am glad you are safe and I regret terribly your emotional upheaval this weekend. Definitely, PPCM or not, that sort of mistake should be reported so they can be aware of it. I hope you continue to be able to get peace in all of this mess.

Alison

[Yvonne]

Margaret, what a story!
I'm sorry you had to go through this all, you must have had a very difficult time. I glad you sound so strong. Take care!